Dear reader,
It’s my birthday today! I am finally 16 which is crazy to think about. I still feel like that 10 year old making cheesy anime edits whilst binge watching Stranger things and the IT movies (i still make cheesy anime edits, im just older now).
I think it just recently hit me that im turning 16. I always knew i would be 16 eventually but i chose to think of it as a myth, as something that only happens in the movies because i wasnt (and still arent) ready to admit im growing up. And its not only me that i started to notice growing up but also everyone else around me. My cousin is going to college, one of my sisters is almost in high school, and people a year older than me are seniors, meaning im going to be a senior next year. I dont like growing up.
Another thing, I dont like thinking that im now older than some of my favourite characters. Every time i pass one in age or get closer to one, a part of my younger self dies a bit. Because what do you mean im 6 years older than Ash Ketchum was when he first started his pokemon journey, what do you mean im 3 years older than the losers club (it 2017), what do you mean im the same age as Charlie (Perks of being a wallflower) and Lara jean (To al the boys ive loved before) and only one year younger than Todd (Dead poets society) and Bella (Twilight)?? Im th same age Katniss was when she was reaped foor the hnger games!!! Like whatt the HECK! It hurts a little more that their movies and show are about mostly growing and changing (evolving) or to put it more plainly growing up. And just like me, wether it be about their love lives, their friends, what theyre going to be when theyre older, trying to stay alive in a deadly arena or catching pokemon, they were all collectively scared of one thing, that thing being the future and its way of being unknown. They all wanted things to stay the way they were in that moment just like me (as for katniss she was more scared of what the future holds which again, just like me). Its gives me comfort knowng that its not an original feeling even with fictional charcaters. But on the flip side being 16 means its my “Main Character year”which is exciting! (17 being my “Song year” because “Why are girls in songs always 17?” - 1980s horror film, Wallows). It feels surreal and bittersweet knowing im not going to be this naive stubborn teenage girl forever.
Im scared of the future and what it holds. Im scared of college and getting a real job. Im scared of moving out of my parents house and no having them at arms reach when i need them. Im scared of not being close to my siblings. Im scared of my friends and i drifting apart. Im just scared of growing up and everything changing. But time stops for no one and that is something im still trying to accept. But who knows what my ending is! My coming of age story is just startng!
Love,
Maki <3
PS: I might be overreacting but its okay!
Im 16?! playlist:
Out of tune - the backseat lovers, Pier 4 - Clairo, White flag - Clairo, Letter to my 13 year old self - Laufey, Cherry cola - Devon Again, Slipping through my fingers - Abba, OK - Wallows, Beatopia Cultsong - Beabadoobee, Ripples - Beabadoobee, Thank you for the music - Abba, Punkrocker - Teddybears (ft: Iggy pop), Not nancy - Mila Degray, The long winding road - The Beatles, Free as a bird - The beatles
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